was so cynical since the morning. just was forcing myself to be unhappy almost. was finding the negatives in every damned thing possible. all started with that b'day thing yesterday. didn't want to go at all but didn't like it when someone else made me feel unwelcome. f**king b*tch. damn. i don't usually curse. haha at least i don't type it. but the point was that i just felt (still feeling) so lonely. everyone's going out with their friends or someone's coming to see someone and so on and there i was stuck in that stupid room all day (still am in the room alone but i wouldn't say am stuck here). i miss my friends back home.
ha someone pointed it out as culture shock or something. whatever his interpretation maybe.
i never thought i'd feel this way. even back home i didn't need to be in constant company of friends or whatever. but i guess i was wrong. when you are somewhere far from home, alone they haunt you even more. i wish i had someone i could relate to, talk to. there are people from my country too. but they feel so distant. i don't know why but i feel they have lost themselves in the atmosphere here. i don't feel close to them at all. you can't like everyone in life, can't be friends with everyone. and that becomes tough when you have to find friends from a given few people who are here.
and the people from the so called sub continent. i almost hate them. they try and pretend to be friends. pretend we mean something to them. but hell, they show their true faces when you really need them. am far from trusting them now.
anyways when i get cynical and lonely all i think of are negatives, i clam up, hide from everyone, but today i took a different approach, i went out (literally too). didn't do any work at all. looked for an escape but again a different approach. something that i might benefit from in the long run.
ha someone pointed it out as culture shock or something. whatever his interpretation maybe.
i never thought i'd feel this way. even back home i didn't need to be in constant company of friends or whatever. but i guess i was wrong. when you are somewhere far from home, alone they haunt you even more. i wish i had someone i could relate to, talk to. there are people from my country too. but they feel so distant. i don't know why but i feel they have lost themselves in the atmosphere here. i don't feel close to them at all. you can't like everyone in life, can't be friends with everyone. and that becomes tough when you have to find friends from a given few people who are here.
and the people from the so called sub continent. i almost hate them. they try and pretend to be friends. pretend we mean something to them. but hell, they show their true faces when you really need them. am far from trusting them now.
anyways when i get cynical and lonely all i think of are negatives, i clam up, hide from everyone, but today i took a different approach, i went out (literally too). didn't do any work at all. looked for an escape but again a different approach. something that i might benefit from in the long run.
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