Will I never change?

Why do I let smallest of small things affect me? Be bothered by things that shouldn't even matter to me. Be constantly be concerned about what someone else is doing. That should the least of my concerns. Why should certain actions of a person I don't like bog me down. Some people are just born manipulators and it just doesn't change, so why should I let it affect me? GET A LIFE!

Back to it again

Expressing your feelings is a necessity but what people fail to understand is "Just because I don't express it doesn't mean I don't feel it".

Stressed out

And so here I was running a search on google "how to deal with stress at school". Got something interesting here,
"Avoid extreme reactions:
Why hate when a little dislike will do? Why generate anxiety when you can be nervous? Why rage when anger will do the job? Why be depressed when you can just be sad?"

Don't know if I am to call it optimistic or pessimistic or just pratical.

The Motorcycle Diaries

Was like a breath of fresh air. Of all the messages that the movie carried with it, their journey out in the open roads just reminded me of what I am missing. Coming back from NYC, I thought, yeah I got to go back there again, jump into the sea of people, live the life, drown in the sights and the sounds. But maybe not. I yearn to be able to look at nature, once again, the hills and the mountains, the valleys and the gorges, the meadows and the deserts... Breathe in the nature into my soul one more time, feel alive again...

If it doesn't, maybe it shouldn't

There was no need for all this right now. I mean, yeah am bummed that you could forget my birthday, but there was no need for a lie to cover it up. You have just made it worse.
Agreed, I am making too big of a deal out of it, but I am disappointed.

"If it doesn't matter to you, then maybe it shouldn't matter to me..."

Of what could have beens...

With each passing day, I can't but stop and let these thoughts flood my mind. All the what could have beens. Is there something I could have done before, that would have made my present any different from how it is now? The helplessness of my situation, am I wrong to let my mind drift away from my present to my past or even worse my current uncertain relationship? What I have brought upon myself is mostly my fault, however much I'd like to find someone else who can take the blame.
Why do your future and your present ask you to let go of your past? Why don't they understand, I am what I am because of it, for better or for worse.

It's indeed true

Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.

Home
- Chris Daughtry

I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

Well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, it makes true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.

Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.

Just like that!

DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY.

Random creations

Just a thought

Just watched The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. What if I had the option to erase someone from my memory? Is that a solution to anything?

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;"
-Alexander Pope

Sad Songs (Say So Much)

- Elton John

(Though I don't particularly care for how is has been sung, the words are just so right.)

Guess there are times when we all need to share a little pain
And ironing out the rough spots
Is the hardest part when memories remain
And it's times like these when we all need to hear the radio
`Cause from the lips of some old singer
We can share the troubles we already know

Turn them on, turn them on
Turn on those sad songs
When all hope is gone
Why don't you tune in and turn them on

They reach into your room
Just feel their gentle touch
When all hope is gone
Sad songs say so much

If someone else is suffering enough to write it down
When every single word makes sense
Then it's easier to have those songs around
The kick inside is in the line that finally gets to you
and it feels so good to hurt so bad
And suffer just enough to sing the blues

Sad songs, they say
Sad songs, they say
Sad songs, they say
Sad songs, they say so much

Soon

Yeah everything takes time. This feeling will leave me for good 'soon enough'. But how does one define 'soon' especially when it's never soon enough.

Everything

Need to get everything out of my system. All the negativities that's living inside of me. I don't know how much this is going to help. I have always been skeptical of it but there's still that optimism in all of it somehow.
It's just building in me and eating me out, the inability to deal with things directly. Why am I so inherently diplomatic? Why do I feel that speaking my mind there and then would count as rude? Why do I have this need to be all calm and composed all the time, why don't I understand that no one needs to be supporting every one else's trials and tribulations all through. Why the need to be all do-good all the time? If I don't like some one, if I don't feel like helping some one out, if I do not feel like supporting some one's point of view, if I find a person offensive, if I find a person pretentious, if I do not follow some one's priorities in life, if I think some one is fickle, if despite every thing I feel and conclude is wrong, why do I feel bad about it? Why can't I just break free from all this complexities?
Someone please tell me, is it just me?

Conflict

My need to be diplomatic and the extremes of emotions that I feel is costing me my peace of mind.

Oh well...

Am such a sucker...!

One more quote

Don't force yourself to fall in love - just because you think it's your turn, wait... maybe Cupid is just havin' a hard time searching for the one who deserves the kind of love that you can give...

Questions

Just what is the point of anything anymore. That's not true I know but still that's how I feel right now. Nothing makes sense. Even talking to you makes no sense. I just don't know what I want out of all this. There's one thing that's bugging me so bad right now. I know it's not betrayal but that's how I end up feeling despite trying to reason with myself about it. I find myself entangled in this complex mesh of what if. What if we'd been together for all this time. And what if she disapproved. Would you still have ended it all? And even after we got here, why didn't you ever tell me about it. That you never intended to pursue this relationship in the long run. I know there was nothing to tell me about for you didn't know then how I felt. Even I didn't know how I felt. But I feel so misguided. What was all the talk about my uncertainties right before the break. What was that not talking to me all that time for? Were you just trying to make me feel guilty? Make me feel bad? What was the point of it? Couldn't you just have tried to understand the family issues since you'd seen and known what I was talking about? Why did you wait for so long to tell me? Maybe you didn't see the point in telling me. I can imagine. But you know you left the door open for me to walk right into the room of illusions. I know or I think I can see what's possible, what's not possible, what's easy and what's tough. I don't know what point I saw in the persistance of my feelings. What I gained by not letting things go. I just don't know. But despite everything, I still felt we'd somehow end up together. I know it makes no sense at all but I guess I was just seeing what I wanted to see. Why did you leave that chance open for me and fall in so deep? Just why did you do that.
Am just so tired of the state I am in. Just so tired. Of not being able to let it go. Why can't I be happy with the fact that I have better friend in you now than I ever bet on. Again the nagging question, just why do these things happen in life?

And...

Where there's a will there's a way, but what about everything else and everyone else and their feelings that you step on, on the way.
See. Things are never simple. Or rather we are not.

One more, So on

Don't know what exactly I want to write. It's 1:38 AM and I am still replaying the conversation in my mind. A positive. One more push towards how things should be. One more step towards accepting how things can't be. One more reality call. One more of the many more that have been. I know I have a friend in you that I wasn't sure I'd find. BUT through it all, with everything said, the pain is still there. The wish for something that's not meant to be. Something I knew all along, but something I find it hard to accept still. Just why are things this way in life?

Far Away

/*For whatever it is worth*/

"Far Away"

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go