Questions

Just what is the point of anything anymore. That's not true I know but still that's how I feel right now. Nothing makes sense. Even talking to you makes no sense. I just don't know what I want out of all this. There's one thing that's bugging me so bad right now. I know it's not betrayal but that's how I end up feeling despite trying to reason with myself about it. I find myself entangled in this complex mesh of what if. What if we'd been together for all this time. And what if she disapproved. Would you still have ended it all? And even after we got here, why didn't you ever tell me about it. That you never intended to pursue this relationship in the long run. I know there was nothing to tell me about for you didn't know then how I felt. Even I didn't know how I felt. But I feel so misguided. What was all the talk about my uncertainties right before the break. What was that not talking to me all that time for? Were you just trying to make me feel guilty? Make me feel bad? What was the point of it? Couldn't you just have tried to understand the family issues since you'd seen and known what I was talking about? Why did you wait for so long to tell me? Maybe you didn't see the point in telling me. I can imagine. But you know you left the door open for me to walk right into the room of illusions. I know or I think I can see what's possible, what's not possible, what's easy and what's tough. I don't know what point I saw in the persistance of my feelings. What I gained by not letting things go. I just don't know. But despite everything, I still felt we'd somehow end up together. I know it makes no sense at all but I guess I was just seeing what I wanted to see. Why did you leave that chance open for me and fall in so deep? Just why did you do that.
Am just so tired of the state I am in. Just so tired. Of not being able to let it go. Why can't I be happy with the fact that I have better friend in you now than I ever bet on. Again the nagging question, just why do these things happen in life?