Another conflict

I know. Or maybe I don't know so well. I shouldn't have told you about this. Just made you more curious. Maybe I enjoyed it to a certain extent. Sounds sadistic I know but sometimes I just can't help it. What's the point of all this. What's the point of the friendship or whatever that exists right now, that's not what you want in the long run and that's all I can promise to you. I am losing so much by choosing to not be with you but I feel there are more things in my life that I need to be answerable to or accountable to.
Just wish I could tell you I love you.